Realize the value of your own story
Learn to transform the energy of pain into power
As Ion my way the value of my own story and my experiences
have come to appreciate.
Recognizing the value of your own history and thus your strokes of fate, trauma and wounds can mean a long journey.
At least that's how it was for me. It took me many years to find the gift in my own life story. I was probably only able to feel this after my deep healing, because I have been with my strength since then and can finally create what I want to create. Now I have the strength to do so and I am happy and positive. But how is it when you are still in the middle of your wounds? When you're still in the middle of your swamp, everything is dark and heavy. Every day is hard, every day is a struggle. How is it when you feel so much pain that you only know your face is swollen and weeping? I can be exactly remembered at such a time in my life. And that was just the beginning of a very painful journey of over 10 years. I had a very hard blow of fate behind me and I lost my first great love in a traumatizing way. From one day to the next nothing was like it used to be. My heart was broken and the shock had frozen inside me. And if I had already known back then what happened to me, it would have saved me many years of searching. I was suddenly paralyzed and empty inside. It was like a dark tunnel that wouldn't stop. I was trapped in my paralyzed world and I didn't know how to get out of it. It's like no longer really participating in life. You are in a parallel world and nobody around you buckles it up properly. Because of this emptiness in me, because of the loss of my relationship, I developed an eating disorder that I hadn't got under control for 4 years. Bincheating. I ate until nothing more fit into me. Mostly chocolate and sweets. And that has ruled every day of my life. But back then I was already very focused on my dream of becoming a designer and I never let that out of sight, no matter how bad I felt. At that time I was training as a tailor. I wanted to be able to sew perfectly and then make pattern directions. Garment cutting technique. I had to get up at 4:30 a.m. and stand on the mat behind Rahlstedt at 7:00 a.m. My dream always saved me because I always had a job and always knew what I wanted. I could never wander around disoriented. But that's how my life felt every day after work.
When I finished work, I went to every bakery and quickly felt sick. I had a guilty conscience because I was getting fatter and no longer resisted. I ran into sports for 2 hours in the evening because I wanted to burn off the calories again. It was a vicious circle and I was getting fatter. At some point I only fit into wide pants. I always concealed it well and a lot of people didn't see me anyway. It was the same every day ...
I've always watched the people outside. Couples strolling happily, families eating out. I just watched everyone and always thought, why is my life like this. Why do I have such a life. No more relationship, stress at home often, nobody understood me and I didn't know what had happened to me myself. I was paralyzed and trapped. I cried a lot in the morning and didn't want to experience another day like this.
I always looked at my tailor's dummy and said to myself inside, Khatera you have a dream get up !!!!! ...... .. and so it went every day.
I actually finished with the best exam, although I could never really concentrate. I also completed the editing studies course ... .in trance.
I always thought, why do everyone else have such a simple life, why are they helped with all things. Why don't I have rich parents who can finance my label for me? Then everything would be easier. If I could get help with everything. I had these thoughts for a long time. I didn't want it to be true that this was my life. That every day is a struggle. I didn't want to admit that I couldn't get out of this prison of paralysis. I was trapped in a dark tunnel. That went on for many years. I kept working on my dream, but I had no life energy. Everything took a lot of effort. I admired everyone who was so full of strength. Every step was difficult for me. Fortunately, I had this dream that always made me go on. I then had a studio in the Frappant and tinkered with collections. I had designed my first logo and label.
After a year I had my first fashion show in Brandshof with 2 other designers.
It was a very nice experience ....
I still had no life energy and I always wanted someone to help me with the label to make it easier. I've always envied the children who had rich parents and who got everything paid for by their parents. Subconsciously, I always saw myself in a lack and I knew I needed help. I didn't have the strength to fight all that and build a label and try to be happy, but everything was empty in me. A woman told me during an energy flow massage that I have the energy of a dead person and she doesn't know how to go through life like this. Then I said I was fighting because I have a dream. Life had its plan for me and probably thought she needed
a little more suffering. There is no other way I can explain to myself how I should endure that.
I was already so shaken. Both of my parents became more and more ill and very soon needed care every day. It got worse and worse.
I reported my label dormant and waited at night and with my siblings looked after my parents every day. We were told time and time again that her mother could die any day.
And my father became more and more emaciated and was not free of pain. It just wasn't real to me. I was already so paralyzed and then I should still be able to endure it. One day I was sitting in a café and taking a break. I was told again that my mother could die any day. Somehow I never wanted that to be true. I sat in the café and watched the happy people. I just thought why? Why do I have such a life? Why do I have to endure so much pain? Why can't I just be light and happy? Be a designer with joy and ease ...
Why do I have to live like that and the others have everything. I couldn't understand it.
I cried in the café for 2 hours. I was so afraid for my mother.
Then I drove back to my parents ...
Unfortunately it wasn't long in coming ... 6 months later I got a call while I was working as a waitress.Come back home ! Papa is dead .......
It took me a moment to understand that and then I almost fell down the stairs and just screamed ……………… .PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I came home and there he was, dead in bed ………….
In the living room my mother in her sick bed.
I was in shock and so it continued for the next time…. My father was buried and my mother went on ... I couldn't mourn my father because I was worried about my mother. She could die any day ....
3 months later I get another call from the intensive care unit. We weren't allowed in until 3 p.m. Come to the hospital quickly. HER MOTHER IS DYING ……
And again I started screaming ……………… ..MAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I got there and all of my siblings were there. Then she fell asleep, my beloved mother …… .. My HEART was broken …….
I will now spare you the details for the next few years …………….
It was a very painful, long journey and I found it hard to bear this pain….
My body reacted very strongly to this emotional pain. Severe migraines, gastric mucosal inflammation for 1 year, symptoms of a heart attack …………….
A friend gave me a family constellation and was able to resolve the trauma with my ex. I could feel my heart again ... But the journey went on. Then I read a lot of books about trauma, the secret life of the soul, the inner child has to find a home, the light in you etc ……… and some coaching…
I then worked with a Russian healer, a woman who set my frequency ... It all freed me more and more, but I was still somehow not free and tied up. I did a lot of healing and light work. At that time I was able to implement a lot on my own. I finally saved my life when I did a deep hypnosis on June 28th, 2018. This is my second birthday, because after this hypnosis I was a different person ......
I was liberated, full of light, full of basic trust, radiant, happy and light.
Something had happened to me. All of my chakras were free and thus I had a completely new perception. I gained higher consciousness. I took the observer perspective and the perceiving perspective. I had a strong access to divine energy and worked with healing energy. I am then immersed in spirituality, meditation, personal development .. I started meditating daily, got a deep connection to myself and my essence. To this day I have learned every day, read 40 books, trained as a healer and learned more and more to heal myself on many different levels. I learned to work with healing energy.
I have incredible energy and I bring myself to the highest frequency every day and connect myself with my heart and make myself a channel for universal energy and healing energy. I go through life with a great ease and carry sooooooooo much love in me. I feel happy out of nowhere and love what I do ... ..
I can now very quickly recognize people with what kind of awareness they go through life, how they think and feel.
I then felt more and more in my heart that I had to help other people.
I have to share what got me out of the swamp and show it to other people so that as many people as possible can find healing ...
I founded my social project TRUE HEALING and continued to build up my label KHATERA ACCESSORIES. Without the dream of becoming a designer, I wouldn't be here anymore. And without my healing, I couldn't do the project.
Now, after all these years, I see the value in my story because it made me who I am today. She made me feel as compassionate as I am because I know exactly what it feels like to go through hell ....
Luckily I managed to transform my pain into power.
I realized that it was a gift, that I did not have rich parents and that I did not get everything financed. I would never have developed this drive, this hunger and the zest for action if I hadn't had to fight for anything.
Of course I will never be without these wounds again and I can feel the pain now when I think of my parents, but I have understood the task behind my story ... to live my dream with my label and to be creative and to bring as much healing as possible into the world with my social project ...... THANK YOU.